Tags: dominant, feminism, men, rape, religion, sex, submission, women
I think the word "dominated" is a poor choice and conveys a somewhat inaccurate concept as it insinuates something else.
The more a woman's oxytocin is increased before sex, during sex and during climax, the more outstanding the experience is for the woman (meaning a blissful heaven that may include many multiple orgasms). For her oxytocin to increase the most, it is when she relaxes and lets the man pleasure her and, in essence, take charge. She receives (which increases her oxytocin) and responds with sounds to let the man know when he is pleasuring her. Whoever does the 'receiving', gets more oxytocin, while whoever does the 'giving', taking charge, and making it happen, gets more testosterone. As men's bodies essentially crave testosterone and women's bodies crave oxytocin, then typically each will prefer the action that creates their hormone of choice. They may switch at times for variety, but normally will go for their preferred hormone. Therefore, generally a woman's body will prefer to receive and the man's body will prefer to give. So I would replace the word 'dominated' with the man taking charge and the woman receiving.
Personally I prefer men who know what they want, if that should be labelled dominance, I don't know. But somebody who is secure in his manhood is attractive. Living in Sweden - a nation obsessed with equality (since the 1930's) on all levels, were talking about differences between the sexes are like swearing in church, it is hard finding "real" men. They have been drown in ostrogene since childhood :)
So from what I have heard, quite a few of the radical feminsts here in the Nordic region, end up hooking-up with real macho-men from Argentina... I think it all comes down to balance.
I have often wondered why I fantasize about being dominated, even though I still suffer from occasional PTSD from a situation where I was taken advantage of in a very dominant manner.
I have found that there is an extreme difference of pleasure between fantasy and reality. If I am sexually dominated in my fantasies, I am still ultimately in control of the situation, because I can exit the fantasy at any point.On the other hand in reality there is no escape from the situation; the anxiety--the fear--of not knowing what is going to happen to you shuts down any enjoyment with only thoughts of getting out of the situation and staying alive. I have never respected or continued a relationship with any man who insisted on sexual dominance.
I try to think of this seeming contradiction as the fact that my willingness to be submissive is limited to only the physically intimate part of a relationship with someone that I know I can trust with my body. I don't mind being led by someone I know is gentle but instinct kicks in when they are not.
Since I am a male I give any feedback but I have sent an email to my friends d-list sharing this with them as well as inviting them to the board. I'l post any feedback I receive.
I'd be interested to see any more info on their studies.
I personally prefer a true meeting of equals, each giving fully. I think I would resent anyone trying to dominate me.
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